New Years Day

To say that 2014 was the year of change for me is an understatement. It has been amazing and painful and epic.
Everything in my world shifted, from relationships to jobs and conquering physical feats considered insane by most. It was a roller coaster ride of emotional upheaval and lessons learned. It was the year to see what I was made of.

The low points

I left a good, good man. After 18 years, I loaded everything into a moving truck, without a job, little money and a future sitting on scary shifting sands, I held my breath and jumped into the unknown. We grew apart. No one is to blame. The restlessness that sits just under my surface would not let me sail into the ether. No amount of counseling can rectify something like that. It was and is heart-breaking and It is really that simple.

I went into seclusion. It has not been easy. I have doubted myself and doubted everyone else. I went into the mode that I go into when everything is out of control. I hole up and stop answering the phone. I have been forcing myself back out there… and it is getting easier.

Highlights

Dirty Kanza 200. I finished one of the most grueling 200 mile gravel bike races in North America and I did it after being driven hard, for months at my job. I showed up that morning worn-out after a nearly 80 hour work week and wasn’t even sure if I could finish… racing it was out of the question. I decided to stay within myself and was able to complete the task I had spent so much time training for.
Logging over 5000 miles on my bikes and continuing to train for the (24) races I had set within my sights at the end of 2013. 2014 was a bucket list year, I had waited a long time for it and nothing was going to stop that train from leaving the station. Maybe I’m stubborn… ok, yeah, I AM stubborn and I had always put everything and everyone else first before this point. 2014 was going to be my year… and that is exactly what I ended up making it. From gravel grinders to mountain bike racing and crits to cyclo cross, I rode my guts out until there was nothing but fumes at the end of the season.

I voiced and took what I needed emotionally, a first for me. I went for it.

Leaving my job after 9 years. The time was up and honestly it had been for a few years. A necessary move for sure.

I learned how to sit in the room and really listen.

I learned that you are never too old to learn amazing new lessons. The most important lesson of all.