The van backed up to the loading dock and I watched as all of the items got carted into the auction house.
These were the last of the things from my half century on this planet and some of those things had been around a lot longer.
I watched as my grandmothers 100 year old secretary was taken into the space along with the Van Erp mica and amber glass chandelier I had purchased for the someday home that never quite happened. Various fire king plates, grease jars, and kitchen items from the 1930’s. Old pictures, prints, a pachinko machine. The long dining room table I had planned to use for crawfish boils and other fun things
Items that at one time I had been waiting to build a rambling, much visited and well-lived-in home with.
As an earth-bound Taurus who loves my comfort, security and artistic surroundings more than most, I was born to nest. Sharing a happy and healthy home with a life partner was pretty much what I figured would eventually happen.
But a life that includes these things has not been the message that I continually get back.
And it's not that I don't believe that I deserve these things, because I
do... but there's something else is in the cards and I know enough to know that I need to finally let go and let the river do what it's going to do.
So I let go and have discovered that place in me that is able to honor the sadness that I feel by giving it some space to move on through.
And as I keep whittling down the stuff that belongs to somebody else's life, I realize that this is all just stuff and what I’m doing is opening up the door to even greater possibilities by continuing to move forward.
I am now able to let this past with all of its hopes and expectations fall off of me like a second skin that no longer fits.
Hello out there, bring it on. I’m listening.
