“That’s when I knew you’d be good in the world.”

If there was ever a photo that captures who I am for all time, it is the picture above. Confident, strong, half wild. An accomplished hand-fisher, snake catcher and girl of the woods already. I was 11 years of age and still getting used to having to wear shirts in the summertime. I am standing there covered in mud and catfish grime after a two and a half hour struggle with a mighty warrior who tested all I knew about nature, and myself up to that point.

The rod and the 5 pound test-line were way too light. I knew when I saw that first sunlit fin flash under the surface of the swirling water, the powerful pull on the other end of that hook was not a turtle. I can still feel my heart getting ready to beat out of my chest at that moment, knowing that it was going to take all the smarts I had to land this one. Too much tension and the line or pole would break. Not enough tension and he would sever that line himself.

The struggle was on. I was focused like never before and we fought until almost dark. I would play him and let him out, play him and let him out… over and over as I ran along the banks of the pond, staying with him. Making sure he was exhausted before I could even think about bringing him in. When it was time, I waded into the water to get him. I was taking no chances until I had him safely on the stringer.

I had caught plenty of fish up to that point. Knew how to skin and fillet my catches and filled the freezer with them. But this was new territory. This was going to be hard. And from that time, I intimately knew what it was to have complete respect, gratitude and sorrow for the animals that become your food. I did a lot of growing up on this day.

Up until now, I felt the day was uniquely mine. I had no idea how this had impacted my father until I saw this experience come to life in the pages of his latest book, Ruined Days.

When I got to page 109, the tears started to roll...

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Reno Pete, in part of the final letter to his son with instruction on how to take new information on the JFK assassination public and profit from it.

"You decide if you are up to it. I know you are. If there’s anything to life after death I’m behind you and smiling at you all the way. I always loved you. Believe me I’de of taken your mom’s place if I could of. I know that was our sticking point. It was crazy hard to go on after that. Crazy hard. Revenge didn’t even make a little dent in it. It hurt us all to see you, what it did. If you do this you will sure enough ruin some days, and the money will set you up. I think you can do it or I’d never put it out there for you. You’re a little different than I was, more like Cobb maybe.

Remember how you played that bigass catfish? Took you half the day. That took patience, strategy, smarts and stamina. Especially for a little boy your size and age then. That’s when I knew you’d be good in the world. Little light line (5lb test?) big fish 14lbs. Remember how good that was on the grill? We could see you were proud, deserved to be, we were to. Your mom thought that was the best catfish we ever had. Salt, pepper, lemon. Those were good days. Get em while you can. I know you don’t think so right now but good days will be there for you again.

Sorry to bail the way I have by now. (If your reading this I have.) Fucking drs keep you going like the battery bunny. Keeps their paychecks coming. Well, that’s it. You only need to read more if you’re going for it. If you do, play it like a 14lb catfish on a 5lb test. Carefully. Patiently. Use violence only if you have to (you’ll know) and then quickly and out. It’s a tool. Use it when they balk or lie or try to play you. Also use it to piss them off. When someone is angry they don’t think right. Pistol whip a man and you’ll piss him off but you’ll scare him to, he will know your for real. Be sneaky and chickenshit, not frontal assault. I know you guys bulled your way in the middle east, but sneaky pays off.

Travis folded the papers–blue-lined notebook paper torn from a wire bound school type notebook–and poured the rest of the coffee. Damn. Reno remembered that catfish. It had taken half a day to land that sucker. Travis was not about to lose it. It bent the light pan-fish rod double at times. He’d only been dimly aware that his father was there the whole time, now and then offering quiet advice, but not getting in the way. That night they’d cooked catfish steaks. Cobb and Vanita were there. His mom and dad. Some friends of theirs with kids his age. It had been a good time. A relaxed time.”

From the book: Ruined Days by Guinotte Wise